Parenthood

There is a great deal more to life than politics, and occasionally, I will want to talk about other topics.

Tonight, more so than usual, I am thinking about my children. I am thinking about my relationship with each of my children. They are, in many ways, very much alike but they are also unique in just as many. So too is my relationship with them. That being said, I’d like to share a few thoughts on parenthood.

I do not believe that we appreciate our parents fully until we become parents ourselves. We don’t understand their worries, their struggles on our behalf. We don’t understand the fierce depth of their love. We are certain that they don’t understand us at all. Then comes the moment that they hold their child in their arms for the first time. And for the first time, they feel that unbelievable rush of overwhelming love that no one can explain truly - even after they have been there. And they begin to get it.

On being a mother, I have all too often felt the need to apologize to my Mom and Dad (and did) for all the sleepless nights I surely must have caused them. Because I finally got it. Being a parent is the dirtiest job in the world. No job will cause you more pain or more stress – and no job will give you as much joy. Our children are our legacy and our greatest reward.

I think I became a better daughter as a mother. I learned to truly look at my parents, to see them as people first. Before my Dad became my Dad, he was just a guy. He was someone’s son and someone’s husband and an American soldier. He was young and he was not perfect (even if he was pretty awesome). I had to figure out the obvious – when my parents became my parents they did not suddenly become perfect. They did not suddenly know all that there was to know about life, and certainly not all that they needed to know to be parents. It gave me more than just a better understanding, it gave me a better kind of love for them. I learned to love who they were apart from their children.

Now, my children are adults and one of them is also now a parent. My hope is that they know, or will know, that before I was their Mom – I was just a girl. Literally. I was very young when I became a mother. And God only knows I surely knew nothing about being perfect beyond knowing I never could be.

I think the hospital staff forgot to give me the handbook when I brought them home. I learned along the way (just like every parent does) and I know for sure that I made mistakes. My only regret is that some of my mistakes came back to hurt them (and me). Though I look at them now and I feel it’s safe to say I did a pretty good job. They are wonderful, smart, talented, and passionate young people. They have good lives and good friends. Each in their way, they have done and will do good things with their lives. I take great pride in their accomplishments and abilities and look forward to what’s to come for them. Because I know my work here is never really done.

My life will always be, to some degree, defined by simply being their mother though I lead a life outside of theirs, and I don’t live vicariously through them. I have watched them exceed my own dreams and I am pretty sure that they are (at least a little) smarter than me. It makes me smile to know they would agree, but it also helps me sleep at night. Isn’t that what every parents wants: better for their children than the life that they led?


I hope that, now that they are fully grown, they come to me more as a person – apart from being their mother. And I hope that they like that person they see. Away from them, I have a career and a very good life as wife to a wonderful man. I am a daughter to my Mom and Dad, and sister to five brothers and a sister, I am a friend to others – and now a grandmother to a beautiful little boy. And I hope that they know, I’m still not perfect. I am going to make mistakes. And like them, I hope that I keep learning from the mistakes. That I keep striving to always be a better person first, which will always make me a better mother.

I hope that we will see each for who we are as people and accept each other for all our weaknesses as well as our strengths.

I hope that they know that the only thing I can claim as perfect is my love for them, unconditional love beyond words I might find to put down on paper. My Mom and Dad taught me that - and their love for me is perfect too.